Rough couple of days

For anyone who follows me on Twitter or Facebook, you will know that I have been experiencing a rough couple of days. I haven't really given too many details there, and I don't plan to here either, but I did want to talk about some stuff that is important to me.

I come from a big family. My mom is one of 4 kids and my dad one of 5. My moms family didn't really do the "go forth and multiply" thing, but my dads family did. So I grew up attending rowdy, loud and boisterous events. And I loved it. I love sitting back and watching everyone interact, hearing stories, and just being around those people (my mom excluded). As I got older, and moved to Ottawa, gradually those bonds began to fade. And then with my falling out with my mother almost 2 years ago, my connections to her family have ceased to exist. It did bother me but I didn't feel equipped to navigate keeping those connections alive. When it comes to my dads family, I'd like to blame the disconnect on a language barrier but thats only a small part of it.

I guess I realized that I'd been waiting for some kind of Hollywood love fest, where everyone just shows up at my door without prompting and has balloons and flowers and a big banner that says "WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!" when what I should have been doing was making more effort to spend time with these people and talk to them, get to know them and show them I value them as people.

Chris's family is very much the opposite of my situation. They call each other, spend time with each other and are generally just very involved with both immediate and extended family alike. I'm not saying that what they have is better than what I have; I do feel close with and loved by my family members in general. But its very different and I would like to have something like that for Cadence.

I was wracking my brain with how to solve the issue of the absent family that I miss, and it made me really homesick. Not for a place, but for a time. When I was a kid, before moving to Ottawa, I saw everyone as often as possible because everyone lived within 30km of one another and we were always having family gatherings. And I miss that feeling of knowing people, and belonging.

Chris and I have come up with a plan. Once a month I will be taking Cadence with me to Montreal and taking the time to visit with my dads family. And I've reconnected with some of my moms family who either live close or not too far from us so we will be getting together in the near future as well. I am still a little emotional about the situation, but as a wise man said, time is on my side so I'm taking it one day at a time.

I look forward to seeing you all at some point or another. If anyone has any events coming up that they'd like to see me at, please let me know!